Psychological Effects of a Sexless Marriage
- Tiffany Lynne
- Jul 30, 2022
- 4 min read
While the root causes for a celibate relationship can be varied and complex, the psychological effects of a sexless marriage can be equally numerous – and quite devastating. Often people even think it’s ok to cheat in a sexless marriage.
Severely negative psychological outcomes are not uncommon with people who don’t have sex as part of their lives and marriages. Here are some of the most common psychological effects of a sexless marriage (and don’t worry – there is help!):
Shame: Sometimes, when one individual still wants to have sex and the other does not, their partner will shame them for being overly sexual. They may think themselves to be overly sexual too, feel like something is wrong with them – and have added shame about that.
Lower self-esteem: When one partner stops having sex, the other often experiences lowered self-esteem, or an overall lack of sexual and overall life confidence. Losing that feeling of being desired can be devastating.
A feeling of failure: Many couples perceive that marriage is supposed to include an active sex life – and when it doesn’t, they feel the relationship isn’t complete and they have somehow failed. What they fail to recognize is the option to have a non-sexual marriage – as long as both people are comfortable with this choice.
Feelings of deprivation and isolation: When sex vanishes in a marriage, overall affection, intimacy and connection can fade as well. Touch, physical connection and sex helps people feel like they are part of a couple or family – and the lack of it makes them feel deprived and isolated.
Loss of relationship: Sometimes, sexless marriages can lead to the ultimate negative outcome: divorce. Nearly 50 percent of couples say lack of sex is not a deal breaker, but 33 percent admit they do think about leaving.
Anger or depression: If sex feels like an essential part of life for you, and you are stuck in a one-way sexless marriage, your life likely doesn’t feel fulfilling. Outwardly, this can express itself by being angry with your partner or in life in general – but internally, suffering can turn into depression.
Lower hormones: Sex releases the hormones oxytocin and endorphins into the brain – which keep a couple feeling connected and emotionally balanced. Lower hormones can also leave you feeling disconnected and depressed.
Is it OK to Cheat in a Sexless Marriage?
People cheat for many different reasons – but sexless marriage is definitely a major one. Quite often, affair partners are still in love with their partner, or don’t want to miss out on time with their children, so divorce is frequently not a consideration. But they take the risk of cheating anyway because they don’t want to live their lives without sex.
Experts are often asked if it’s ok to cheat in a sexless marriage. However, it is more important to look at the why of cheating and its potential consequences. Cheating creates huge potential risks for the relationship – most commonly the loss of trust. While some couples recover from their affairs, for others, cheating is the deal breaker that ends the relationship for good.
Types of Non-Sexual Marriages: Platonic, Celibate, Asexual
Some couples choose to get married even though they are not interested in having sex with their partner. Others decide to consciously end the sexual part of their relationship, but stay together. There are three categories of intentional non-sexual marriages:
Platonic marriage – This type of non-sexual marriage usually is negotiated from the very beginning of the relationship. The partners feel they make good companions for each other and may even want to raise children together – but are not sexually attracted to one another.
Celibate marriage – This relationship configuration is most often chosen when one or both partners decide they want to be celibate, or they are no longer interested in sex. In a celibate marriage, both partners agree they want to stay together but are no longer going to have sex with one another.
Asexual marriage – Some people simply are asexual. Asexuality can have many different definitions and practices, but a person is basically asexual if they define themselves as such. An asexual marriage is when one or both of the partners identify as asexual and, as a result, the couple makes the choice not to have sex. It is important to note that some asexual people still do have sex with their partners – but more to satisfy their partner than out of a personal need of their own.
Imagine waking up every morning feeling like you can take on the world because you feel solid in your relationship with yourself and your partner.
When you have a solid foundation, the world isn't nearly as overwhelming. Wouldn't that feel great? The meaning of a relationship is unique to each of you. What it means to you may be vastly different than what it means to your partner. These differences are something that is both appreciated AND the source of difficulty in relationships.
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