How Can I Rebuild Trust?

Trust is a delicate value that takes time to build. It can be chipped away slowly or it can be obliterated in a matter of seconds. I am often asked how to try and rebuild trust in a relationship and although it takes work, it is something that can undeniably be done with great success.

What do we need to rebuild trust? Let’s back up for a second and gain an understanding of what trust really is. Trusting your partner means believing in their integrity and having the confidence in them to be reliable, to be honest, and to be your safe place. Trust is the foundation of a healthy and thriving relationship. It is crucial in the success of a long-lasting partnership.

There are a few ingredients that need to be present for trust to grow and flourish. The Gottman Institute suggests looking at the acronym ATTUNE. It provides a framework that can be followed to set you and your partner up to succeed. Let’s take a look at it.

Awareness

Turning toward

Tolerance

Understanding

Non-defensive responding

Empathy

The basis of this trust building plan is the idea of attunement. When we are aware and can turn towards our partner when they are making a “bid” or an effort to engage with tolerance, understanding, and empathy, we are well on our way. WIth consistency and responding with non-defensive communication we are breeding trust. When one can show empathy and compassion for their partner’s feelings, it puts us in a better spot to understand where they are coming from and how they are feeling.

In every relationship there will be breaches of trust. We are all human; there will be misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and poor choices made. Some are small, some are not so small but they are all opportunities for us to grow and learn from our mistakes and to increase our foundation of trust. It is how we respond to these and how we repair them that matters. Remembering that we are on the same team is important and that our intention, for the most part, is good.

Take every opportunity for what it is, an opportunity. If we lead with love, empathy, and compassion, it makes trust building a whole lot easier.

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Imagine waking up every morning feeling like you can take on the world because you feel solid in your relationship with yourself and your partner.

When you have a solid foundation, the world isn't nearly as overwhelming. Wouldn't that feel great? The meaning of relationship is unique to each of you. What it means to you may be vastly different than what it means to your partner. These differences are something that are both appreciated AND the source of difficulty in relationships.

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